


and into the fire

by crosswalks



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Tsukishima Kei Grows Up, happy birthday tsukishima kei, just starts crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26683765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crosswalks/pseuds/crosswalks
Summary: There are still times when Kei questions it all. Why they push themselves like this, to the very brink of the unknown, only to jump right off the edge and start all over again.He closes his eyes and stretches, leans into the lingering burn of his muscles. It’s a pleasant ache.—Seven birthdays with Tsukishima Kei, wherein he learns desire and forgiveness and most importantly where to put his hands.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 110





	and into the fire

**Author's Note:**

> i really really tried but in the end i dont know how to do math so if you see anything wrong with the timeline.... no you dont......
> 
> anyways. i love tsukishima kei. funny little asshole. i love him. dearly. so i wrote him having some good birthdays! because i dont really have it in me to make him sad (permanently anyway)!
> 
> hope you enjoy!!

_seven_

The slow creak of his bedroom door pulls Kei from his dreams. 

He blinks in the early light of the morning, brain still half-submerged in a dream about volleyball and his brother, which he mournfully wishes he could return to. His mouth opens wide in a yawn, and he exhales with a sigh. He leans back into his pillow, content to go back to sleep without another thought.

This impulse doesn’t last though, when he sees who’s at his door.

“Kei? Are you awake yet?” his brother whispers. He’s holding something in his hands, which is hidden from view behind his back.

Kei perks up immediately: the bedcovers are haphazardly flung aside as he rushes over to Akiteru, glasses left forgotten on his bedside table. The older boy laughs cheerfully at his younger brother’s enthusiasm, as Kei rushes to the door. He kneels down to meet him, bringing the mysterious item around to his chest.

“Finally!!” Kei exclaims, small hands reaching out to grab at the wrapped box. 

Akiteru laughs again, and tightens his hold on the present. “Kei! I haven’t even said happy birthday yet!”

Kei’s eyes widen, and his mouth curves into an open frown as he sputters. He recovers quickly though, and retaliates with:

“Yeah you have! You just said it right now! That means I can open it!!” 

The older brother relents with an exaggerated sigh, and Kei giggles with sheer joy as he tears into the wrapping paper. 

Akiteru watches with fond eyes, as he lets his affection for his younger brother wash over him. 

In less than 15 seconds, Kei’s unwrapped the box and emptied it of its contents. He pulls out two dinosaur figurines, one in each hand, gasping as he holds them up to the light.

“They’re just like yours,” Kei remarks quietly. His eyes rove over each scale and tooth on his new toys, as if committing them to memory.

Akiteru grins, and puts his hands on his hips in a self-important stance.

“Yup! Now we can match!”

He’d bought them the week before, knowing it was the perfect gift. There was no way he could’ve overlooked the longing in Kei’s eyes, whenever he looked at the figures on Akiteru’s bookshelf. How could he consider himself a good older brother otherwise?

Kei’s mouth stretches into a toothy smile. 

“Can you help me set them up on my desk, nii-chan?”

“You don’t want to play with them first?”

“...Can you help me set them up later then?”

“Of course, Kei! Here, let me go grab mine..."

_ten_

Despite his insistent protests, it seems Kei’s party guests are set on embarrassing him.

“Kei, it isn’t a birthday party if we don’t sing happy birthday!” Akiteru bubbles, unable to hide his amusement. “How will you know when to blow out the candles?”

Kei gapes at his brother. “I’m turning ten, not _one_ ,” he whines. 

There’s a small cake on the table they’re all seated at, decorated with turrets of white frosting and carefully halved strawberries. It’s been topped with ten colorful candles, which are beginning to melt.

“Kei-kun, the candles are melting!!” Yamaguchi reminds him through his giggles, hands nudging his arm excitedly. 

Yamaguchi. Kei’s never had a friend over for his birthday before. He lets the younger jostle his arm as he eyes the candles warily.

“Yamaguchi-kun is right! We need to sing really fast before the wax ruins the cake!” Kei’s mom says.

Kei’s neck snaps in her direction, a look of betrayal clear on his face.

He wilts as he realizes that he’s not winning this argument. 

“Ugh… fine. Just get it over with…”

His family starts singing. Yamaguchi hesitates to join in, but gets swept into their enthusiasm quickly. Kei feels his chest swell with an unexplained emotion, hearing the three voices sing off-pitch and out of rhythm.

(How they can mess up such a simple song is beyond him.)

When the cue comes, Kei makes his wish, and blows out the candles.

— 

They finish the cake and Kei opens his presents: his mom gives him a new pair of volleyball shoes, a size up ( _for you to grow into!_ ). Akiteru’s gift is a heavy dinosaur encyclopedia, which Kei can’t wait to look through later. The most exciting present though, is Yamaguchi’s: a DVD copy of _Jurassic Park III_ , which they immediately put on the TV.

An hour and a half later, Akiteru is snoring as the credits roll, somehow having slept through the movie _and_ Kei’s and Yamaguchi’s excited babbling. At Kei’s mother’s beckoning, the duo go and get ready for bed.

Kei is drifting off when he hears Yamaguchi’s sleepy voice,

“Kei-kun? Are you awake?”

Kei hums in acknowledgement.

“What do you wanna do for your next birthday?” Yamaguchi asks.

Kei pauses, caught off guard by the question. He thinks to himself that today had been the most fun he’d ever had on his birthday, at least that he could remember. 

He rolls over to the edge of his bed to look at Yamaguchi on the futon below. His friend looks like he’s about to fall asleep, if not for the wide smile on his face. He blinks open and returns Kei’s gaze, face lit dimly by nightlight.

Kei tries to imagine a better night than this one.

“Nii-chan is thinking of getting a telescope next year, for when we go hiking in the mountains.”

“Oooh, stargazing! That’s so cool!! Akiteru-kun is so cool… That’ll be a lot of fun.”

Yamaguchi’s tone is wistful, which Kei doesn’t understand.

“You’ll be going too, Yamaguchi,” Kei says.

Yamaguchi makes a surprised sound at that, eyes wide. Kei rolls onto his back, facing the ceiling.

“Only if you want to, of course,” he tacks on quickly.

Yamaguchi is quiet for a moment, which worries Kei. Then there’s a face poking into the edge of his vision.

He jerks in surprise, and Yamaguchi chirps: “Of course I want to, Kei-kun!”

He shoves Yamaguchi away, out of reflex, more than anything else. It only makes his friend laugh.

Kei falls asleep, and dreams of an endless galaxy.

_thirteen_

He and Tadashi are settled onto Kei’s bed, laptop nested between them, when Kei’s phone buzzes with a notification.

He pulls it out of his pocket to check who it is, then puts it back without so much as opening the message. He pointedly doesn’t look at Tadashi, unsure whether he also saw the contact name.

Kei thinks Tadashi knows either way, though, by the worried look he sends his way. He meets his friend’s eyes, which dart away quickly, as if caught. Kei sighs. Tadashi never was good at hiding his emotions. 

They both turn back to the screen.

“Are you sure you want to watch the documentary? I know you think this stuff is boring,” Kei intones.

Tadashi sputters, hand reaching up to scratch nervously at his cheek. “I don’t think it’s boring!! Japanese history is… ah… cool…” he protests. He averts his eyes from Kei’s though, and his eyes glaze over almost instantly when he looks at the documentary’s menu screen.

Kei represses the urge to roll his eyes and shrugs, hitting play on the movie. 

He’s not even sure why Tadashi followed him home today. Kei is self-aware— he knows he’s been cranky this past week, more impatient and snappy than usual. He’d even reminded Tadashi several times that he doesn’t want to celebrate his birthday this year, and to not bring him a present.

Tadashi was set on spending the day together, though. Kei had never been much of a conversationalist, but he was even less of one today. That never deterred Tadashi though, who could talk about anything for hours. 

(He’s grateful for the distraction.)

His friend is quiet now though. Kei would chalk it up to boredom, if not for the furtive glances being shot his way every five or so minutes. He lets out another sigh, which makes Tadashi look back at the laptop screen guiltily.

Kei’s phone sits heavy in his pocket. He doesn’t think about it. Pretends not to notice its weight.

He can’t shake the feeling though, that his brother is going to come knocking at any moment. Kei had stopped answering, about a year ago. But the knocks kept coming (until they stopped, this summer). 

He still finds himself looking at his door, every so often, waiting for something. Someone.

A heavy weight suddenly thunks onto his shoulder, making him jump. He shifts under the intrusion, eyes narrowing as he feels Tadashi breathe deeply on his shoulder.

Kei _really_ rolls his eyes this time. It hasn’t even been half an hour and Tadashi’s already fallen asleep. This has to be a new record. Kei has no idea why he always insists on watching Kei’s historical documentaries, when he never even makes it halfway through. 

(He has some idea, really. But he doesn’t think about it.)

He closes the laptop with a _tsk_ , shifting so he can settle Tadashi onto his pillow and pull a blanket over him. His friend looks dead to the world, drool already trickling out the side of his mouth. 

Kei sighs, and lies down with his head in the opposite direction. He reaches over the side of his bed absently, hand choosing a random book to read off the stack next to his bed. The rest of the night is quiet, save for Tadashi’s light snores.

Kei lets the sound ground him, as he loses himself in his novel.

(Really, he’s glad he’s not alone.)

_sixteen_

There’s a purple gift bag on Kei’s desk when he returns from lunch. He and Tadashi make eye contact over the sparkly intrusion as they sit down; Kei squints at his best friend, who raises his hands in surrender.

“I didn’t tell anyone, Tsukki! Don’t look at me like that…” he protests.

Kei just stares at it while Tadashi fidgets, looking from the bag to Kei’s face and back.

“Aren’t you gonna check the tag?” he asks, voice uncharacteristically impatient. 

Kei was actually just going to toss it in the trash, but he takes Tadashi’s advice instead.

“Oh. It’s from Yachi-san,” he says.

Tadashi perks up at that, laughing a little to himself. Kei raises an eyebrow at him.

He answers, “It’s nothing… I was just thinking how she must've been so nervous. She left it on your desk instead of giving it to you personally!”

Kei only hums in response. Tadashi is probably right. He reaches into the bag and takes out a card. There’s a small crow drawn on the front, in the shape of an egg. It has glasses and blonde hair, in what Tadashi thinks is an uncanny rendition of Kei. Or that’s what Kei figures anyway, from the tiny snort his friend lets out at the sight.

The message inside is written in small, neat handwriting. 

_Tsukishima-kun,_

_I’m so so so sorry if this is too much or if you don’t like birthday gifts or if I’m overstepping!! You can throw it away if you want, it won’t hurt my feelings. I promise I’m not stalking you, I have the Karasuno player roster because I’m a club manager and saw that it was your birthday today and that’s why I got you this small gift!! >< I saw you drinking strawberry milk the other day, so I got you some candy in the same flavor! I didn’t think you’d like the attention, so I didn’t tell anyone else about your birthday. Don’t worry! _

_And happy birthday!!_

_Sincerely,_

_Yachi Hitoka_

— 

Kei goes to find Yachi after practice, to thank her for the present. He finds her wheeling a ball cart to the storage room. He walks over, and calls out to her.

Yachi lets out a surprised screech, knocking the cart into a row of poles. The crash echoes through the gym, which springs tears to the small manager’s eyes.

Kei feels out of his depth, faced with his jumpy classmate, who’s now trying to hide behind the ball cart. From him. At least, that’s what he guesses. He figures she could be hiding from anything, given her track record. 

“Ts- Ts- Tsukishima-kun! Ah- did you need something? I- is there something on my face??”

Yachi is brushing at her cheeks now, for reasons beyond those Kei can fathom.

“No, Yachi-san, your face looks fine. Are you alright?” He knows this is how she usually acts, but something still prompts him to ask.

“I- I’m fine!!” she squeaks, her voice pitching higher as she does.

Kei suppresses the urge to sigh. 

“I wanted to thank you for your gift. It was very thoughtful,” he manages.

Yachi’s eyes widen, and her face melts into a warm grin, stretching from ear to ear. Kei feels warmth creep up his neck, something like affection brewing in his chest. 

“You’re welcome, Tsukishima-kun! I’m happy that you liked it!” she chirps, voice wavering slightly. 

They stand there quietly for a moment, Yachi shifting from leg to leg and Kei looking off to the side.

A grueling fifteen seconds later, Kei manages to get out:

“Do you want to come watch a movie with me and Yamaguchi later? We’re going to the theater down by the train station. It’s on your way home, and we can walk you there if it gets dark.”

Yachi’s jaw drops slightly, as she takes in Kei’s proposition. She quickly recovers, excitement taking over her features.

“Sure!! Thank you for inviting me!!”

— 

Kei brushes leftover popcorn off his jacket sleeve, making Tadashi laugh. Their manager-turned-friend had gotten.. Over-excited in the theater, knocking over their bucket of popcorn several times. They’re still recovering from the aftermath.

The pair are walking back home from the train station, having dropped Yachi off just a couple minutes ago. The sun has long set over the horizon, leaving them to walk home guided only by streetlights, and the light of the waning moon. 

The air between them is still now. Traces of Yachi’s nervous exuberance still linger, a new addition to their long-standing equation.

“I wish tonight wouldn’t end.”

Tadashi breath glides through the cold air, a puff of vapor dissolving easily in the starry night. 

The words, though, linger in Kei’s mind. Tadashi is looking ahead, his eyes and posture soft and relaxed. The sight calms something in Kei’s mind. Tadashi is still there, underneath everything new about him.

Kei doesn’t mean to worry; he knows Tadashi can handle himself. But it’s nice to see him like this: easy, feathers unruffled.

“We can go watch the movie again, if you liked it that much. There’s another screening in an hour,” Kei deadpans.

Tadashi chokes on a disbelieving laugh, shoving at Kei’s shoulder. Kei huffs a laugh at his reaction, making his friend’s grin grow even wider.

“That’s not what I meant, Tsukki!! It’s just been so long since we’ve hung out like this. I miss you sometimes, you know,” Tadashi sighs.

“We’re with each other 11 hours a day,” Kei says, tone leaning toward dismissive. 

They’re at Kei’s door now. The porch lamp glows a quiet yellow, moths floating lazily in the light.

Tadashi acquiesces. “I guess you’re right, Tsukki.”

He tells Kei goodnight with a smile, as always. 

There are bags under his eye, Kei notes absently. He’s been spending extra time at Shimada’s lately, Kei knows. His friend doesn’t tell him, but he notices the timestamps on Tadashi’s late night text messages. They’ve been steadily coming in later and later.

Before it’s too late,

“Yamaguchi,” Kei says.

Tadashi turns.

“Do you want to stay the night?” Kei asks.

His friend’s jaw slackens in surprise. He doesn’t respond.

“You still have some of your clothes here, from last time. If you needed a change,” Kei tries, struggling to keep his voice even. 

Tadashi looks at him for a split second too long, then brightens. 

Kei looks away.

“Of course I will, Tsukki!! But hold on, let me call my mom first…”

  
  


_seventeen_

Kei stares warily at the box sitting on their dinner table. Puts on his glasses, which he’d taken off to rub at his eyes, and continues staring. 

There’s no one awake that Kei can ask, but he figures there’s a high chance that it’s for him. His family members are never subtle, even when they try to be, for his sake. 

He unwraps it neatly, taking out the card.

_I noticed your old ones were getting a bit shabby. Enjoy!! :-)_

_— Akiteru_

Kei walks to morning practice with another year under his belt, and a new pair of headphones around his neck.

_eighteen_

Tadashi has been avoiding his gaze all morning. Kei can practically smell the guilt radiating off of his freckled face, which twitches despite his valiant attempts to smother it.

He readies himself for a long day. 

— 

Predictably, Tadashi isn’t the only one of their group acting weird.

Morning practice goes by without a hitch, but the second the gym is vacated, Kei starts noticing… things.

Like, Hitoka and Shoyo whispering together in front of the vending machine, then jumping apart when Kei walks up to buy his can of coffee. Kei had only squinted at them and bought his drink, but then Hitoka had started _giggling_. Which of course, made Shoyo choke on a laugh as well, both of them hiding it behind their hands.

At that point, Kei had already accepted that something was definitely up. This didn’t make his irritation lessen when he met Tobio at the lockers, though. They usually change their shoes in amicable silence, maybe exchanging a jab or two, but today Tobio had decided to stare at Kei (out of the corner of his eye, he’ll give him that) the _entire_ time it took Kei to put his slippers on and shoes in their cubby.

Kei has long since figured out the nuances of the setter’s infamous glares; he knows that his teammate usually doesn’t mean any harm by them. This doesn’t stop his temple from seizing in annoyance, though. 

He smiles at Tobio passive-aggressively, picking up his bag and walking primly away.

He gets to class expecting the worst, but he’s met with nothing out of the ordinary. He sits down, and wishes he could feel relieved. 

Instead, he spends the rest of the day bracing himself for the worst.

— 

The second Kei steps out into the hall for lunch period, his suspicions are confirmed. 

Via ambush. Because of course, his friends don’t know anything of subtlety. Of course. 

He doesn’t even resist the two sets of arms at his own as they grab at him, even allows the more gentle pair of hands to remove his glasses and wrap a blindfold around his eyes. 

Kei sighs as they drag him along to who-knows-where, cackling all the while and muttering to themselves, as if he’s not _right there in their literal hands_. 

They barely make it up the stairs with no casualties (if he steps on a certain idiot duo’s toes a couple of times on “accident,” it’s not really anybody’s business). The sound of footsteps _finally_ comes to a stop, and the blindfold is gently pulled off.

Kei blinks to focus as someone returns his glasses to his face with a small _sorry, Kei_. Tadashi’s voice. He represses the urge to hold his best friend’s hands where they rest briefly on his temples, choosing to glare at him instead.

Tadashi only grins back, and nudges him to look in the direction of their friends. 

They’re huddling by the roof’s barrier, fussing over something balanced on top of it. Shoyo fumbles with something in his hands for a second before going _AHA!_ and Kei sees _fire_ _Hinata is holding a lighter_ _who let him bring that to school._

He gapes at the trio by the ledge when they part, revealing a large cake. There’s a baffling amount of candles on top of it, placed so closely together that, when lit, they threaten to burn in one huge flame. Kei looks on nervously as the frosting begins to melt, causing the candles to wobble.

He hears a snort by his side, which would make him feel dangerously murderous in any other situation. But Tadashi is standing closer than usual and, as always, Kei can’t find it in himself to be angry at him. 

His best friend gently takes his wrist and walks them over to the ledge. Shoyo smiles wide at them and Tobio smirks, while Hitoka’s small voice counts down _3, 2, 1…_

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!”

— 

Later, he and Tadashi are slouched over some homework atop Kei’s bed, there still being school the next day. Kei checks the time and closes his textbook, calling it a night. 

He glances over to check on his companion’s progress, and finds him dozing off into his assigned reading. 

There’s something about Kei’s bed that’s just really appealing to Tadashi, apparently, for all the times he’s fallen asleep on it. His calloused hand is still curled loosely around his pencil, cheek pressing into his forearm as he lies on his stomach.

 _He’ll get a nasty cramp if he keeps that up for much longer_ , Kei thinks. _I should wake him_. Sleeping odd on a sore muscle isn’t something Kei thinks Tadashi will appreciate.

His own body is plenty sore from today’s practice; he and the other third-years, along with a few underclassmen, had locked up later than usual. The spring qualifiers are coming up, and nobody feels they can afford to slack, the third years most of all.

There are still times when Kei questions it all. Why they push themselves like this, to the very brink of the unknown, only to jump right off the edge and start all over again. 

He closes his eyes and stretches, leans into the lingering burn of his muscles. It’s a pleasant ache. He lets the thought trail off, the half-formed answer settling itself somewhere deep within his core. 

An hour passes. Tadashi is starting to drool onto his notes, Kei observes with a quirk of his lips. His friend is quite the sight, looking more rumpled than Kei’s ever seen him. Even after several trims, his hair still doesn’t manage to lie flat, and his clothes are wrinkled more than usual. He must’ve forgotten to iron.

Kei takes the pencil from his hand, putting it away with the rest of his school supplies. Tadashi doesn’t stir, but his fingers close around themselves reflexively in a loose fist. 

Kei is reminded of Tadashi’s hold on his wrist, on the rooftop earlier that afternoon. Lets himself remember the warmth of his hand. The memory comes easily, slips quietly through the cracks in Kei’s carefully constructed walls.

His chest aches, deeper than muscle. Almost absently, he clutches at it, fingers rubbing at his sternum in an attempt to soothe. 

He breathes in, out, breath stuttering slightly at the tail end. His heart doesn’t slow, still thudding uncomfortably in its ribcage. Kei gives up trying to quell the feeling; it never quite works anyway. 

Instead, he trails his eyes over the bridge of Tadashi’s nose. He takes the rare opportunity, and lets his gaze linger on the freckles painted across his face. He imagines they’d be warm to the touch, like a swath of golden sand in the late-afternoon sun. Imagines tracing patterns in the grain, Tadashi leaning into his hands.

Kei will wake him later. For now, he watches his best friend sleep:

lets himself yearn.

_twenty_

“You’re gonna clean that up, right?”

Kei tries for a haughty tone, but ultimately he just sounds like a fool in love. Or, as much of one as somebody like _himself_ could possibly pull off.

Tadashi notices though, of course he does. He laughs at Kei, his freckles shifting gently with the stretch.

A decade of that smile, and it still manages to catch Kei off-guard sometimes.

“You have the _shittiest_ personality,” Tadashi growls playfully, ruffling both hands through Kei’s hair, making him laugh. 

Confetti flies everywhere, shaking from Kei’s head onto his desk, chair, and bedroom floor. It’s midnight, which his best friend had clearly been looking forward to. Tadashi had burst into Kei’s room the moment the minute hand struck 12, and emptied a grocery bag of colorful shredded paper over his head, yelling all the while.

They clean the mess up together, Tadashi looking extremely pleased with himself. Kei pulls out a folding chair from his closet so Tadashi can sit next to him at his desk. He’s seated in it now, scrolling mindlessly through his phone as Kei does his homework.

Or, while he’s pretending to do his homework anyway. He’s not sure why he’s keeping up the facade; Tadashi took the time out of his schedule to come hang out with him, after all.

He’s at Kei’s apartment for the whole weekend, but it still seems too short a stay to Kei. Time passes both slow and fast when they’re together; Kei still isn’t sure which he prefers.

Tadashi stretches his legs with a small noise, leaning back and bringing his feet into Kei’s lap to rest there. Kei’s heart pounds a little harder in his chest.

“I wish I lived here with you, Tsukki,” he says wistfully, “my apartment doesn’t even have heating! Can you believe that? Our landlord is the _worst_ , I can’t believe I signed that lease...”

Kei rolls his eyes. Tadashi sure has some selective memory.

“I told you when we started school here that we should live together,” he grouses. 

Tadashi giggles at the annoyance on his face, wiggling his feet on Kei’s thigh. “Aww, don’t be grumpy, Tsukki! Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right?” He punctuates the phrase with an innocent grin, making warmth crawl up Kei’s neck.

He doesn’t respond, instead choosing to look at his best friend with all the disdain he can muster. Tadashi only laughs again, crossing his feet together. 

Almost subconsciously, Kei settles his hand on top of them. Tadashi’s wearing Hello Kitty socks. 

_Why are you so cute_ , Kei thinks to himself.

Tadashi’s breath hitches, though Kei’s too busy in his own head to notice. The blond absentmindedly strokes as he turns back to his studies, which Tadashi observes with a crooked smile. 

Soon they’re both lounging shoulder-to-shoulder on Kei’s bed, discussing their plans for later that day. It’s Kei’s free day, which is miraculous considering the relentless cycle of university and D2 volleyball. He has to go run some errands in the morning, which Tadashi insists on tagging along for. Kei doesn’t put up much of a resistance, Tadashi’s eyes so bright with excitement. 

Kei doesn’t have a futon at his apartment, so he and Tadashi share, his bed just big enough for the both of them. Said bedmate is scrolling through his phone, looking for a recipe they can cook for dinner. 

“Oooh this one looks good,” he murmurs, turning his phone screen so Kei can see, “the serving sizes look kinda big though…”

Kei grunts noncommittally. “We could always save the leftovers,” he offers.

“Oh! Tsukki, why don’t you invite some friends over? I haven’t met any of your teammates, except for Kyoutani-san maybe but that was years ago and we never really spoke… His spike was totally _insane_ , does he still wear eyeliner? I always thought that was so cool—”

Tadashi keeps talking, and Kei listens as he rambles about makeup techniques and bleached, buzzed hair. 

He focuses more on the cheerful cadence of his friend’s gentle voice, rather than anything he’s saying. Looks at the way his mouth moves around his words, how he changes his expression every other phrase, like he can’t keep all of his emotions quite in line. So unlike Kei.

Tadashi eventually trails off, looking to Kei for his opinion. Kei wasn’t really listening, and he’s tired, so he just looks back. A small flush blooms on Tadashi’s face, almost like someone took a pink highlighter to his freckles. Kei’s been spending too much time studying.

“Tsukki?” Tadashi hesitates, eyes big and maybe hopeful, and Kei _wants_. He wants Tadashi so bad it makes his chest lurch with desire, and it doesn’t even make sense because Tadashi is right _there_. He has been for years: a decade, today. For longer, and closer, than most anyone else has ever seen him. If he just turned his head, Kei could count each individual eyelash framing those tempered black eyes.

So why does he still feel so far away? Even with their shoulders pressed together, Kei doesn’t feel like they’re close enough. Kei doesn’t really know if it’ll ever feel like enough.

Then again, that’s never been the point, not really. Kei doesn’t want to think of them as having an ending.

He looks ahead into the horizon, maps the stars that stretch their way through eons of black space. He finds Tadashi’s thigh with his hand, and holds it there. 

Tadashi jumps a little, but doesn’t move Kei’s hand away. Instead, he drops his phone, lifting his hand behind Kei’s back to rest delicately on his shoulder, right where it meets his neck.

“Kei,” Tadashi says, “can I ask you something?”

Maybe too eagerly, Kei whispers back, “Sure.”

Tadashi gets a mischievous look in his eyes, that warns Kei to brace himself. 

“Correct me if I’m reading this wrong, but… Do you have. Do you have a crush on m—” 

Tadashi can’t hold in his laugh and snorts right in Kei’s face, making him flinch, and effectively ruining the moment. 

Kei shoves him away with a helpless huff of laughter and groans, wiping at his face.

“Not anymore I don’t,” he answers, making Tadashi _cackle_. He stops immediately though, and jerks to look at the wall, supposedly in fear of Kei’s neighbors. His hands are both covering his mouth, and he looks to Kei with a look of unadulterated fear.

Everything in Kei overflows. He’s stupid in love. 

Kei leans over and takes his best friend’s wrists, guiding them to his chest. They pull him in by his t-shirt and he follows their lead, reaching up to put his hands on Tadashi’s cheeks.

Kei runs his thumbs over his freckles ( _finally_ ) and leans his forehead against Tadashi’s. The object of his affections goes a little cross eyed trying to look into Kei’s eyes, and he feels something in him ignite. 

Their first kiss is gentle, a press of closed lips. Tadashi moves to thread his hands into Kei’s hair, tugging at the strands all while pulling Kei closer. 

_Finally, finally, finally, finally_

Kei’s mouth slackens against Tadashi’s in an exhale, and the other pulls him in by the neck, deepening their kiss. 

Kei is almost overwhelmed by the warmth of Tadashi’s tongue sliding against his, the feeling of teeth nipping his bottom lip. Tadashi’s already halfway in his lap, and Kei has to bodily pull him the rest of the way there with how distracted the other is. 

They part for a second to catch their breath. Tadashi’s eyes are dilated, and Kei knows he looks similarly affected. 

“So,” Tadashi begins, and Kei pinches his waist in warning, making the other twitch. 

He continues anyway.

“Let’s not invite your friends tomorrow, actually, that was— I take that back,” Tadashi says, a bit breathless.

“Please stop talking,” Kei pleads, pulling Tadashi down by his sweater.

“Sir yes sir! Mmm—”

They don’t talk much for the rest of the night, to say the least. 

— 

“ _We should go stargazing next year.”_

“ _..._ ”

“ _Not your thing anymore?_ ”

“ _I said that ten years ago, Tadashi._ ”

“ _What, I didn’t realize it had an expiration date…_ ”

“ _..._ ”

“ _We don’t have to go!_ ”

“... _We’ll go._ ”

“ _..._ ”

“ _..._ ”

“ _Alright Kei… Keep your secrets._ ”

“ _Go to sleep._ ”

“ _..._ ”

“ _..._ ”

“ _...Next year?”_

_“...Next year.”_

**Author's Note:**

> i had so much planned for this actually but i started super late and ran out of writing juice halfway...
> 
> but um. idk. i like thinking about tsukishima kei and his adventures in re/learning how to love. how with yamaguchi, who's been there through it all, he's so gentle and unquestioning. relatively anyway, haha. it's easy and yet not at the same time. being in love with your best friend is an experience!
> 
> life is hard man. relationships are hard. being a person is so difficult. tsukki got so mf LUCKY!!!!!! hashtag ty furudate for such a wonderful character <3
> 
> twitter @geckoyama and tumblr @freakkquick !


End file.
